It’s been a busy month for me because I wasn’t able to catch up writing and I paused for a while from reading a book.
It was a great moment of learning from my mentor last week together with others through fellowship.
We discussed a lot of things, from faith, Jesus, purpose, speaking, writing a book, and relationships.
Today, I would like to share with you what I have learned from relationships.
There are many kinds of relationships, co-worker relationship, friendship, romantic relationship, manager to employee relationship, mentor to mentee relationship, etc.
They may seem a lot and I learned that all of them fall into two types of relationship:
- Convenient Relationship
- Covenant Relationship
Now let me expound them for you.
Nah, from the word itself, the convenient relationship is an easy way out for those who doesn’t like the inconvenience and the messy part of relationships.
People who are into this kind of relationship uses people to their own advantage. They act like consumers until you can give something that benefits them, they will not leave you.
You need to fit into their world and if you don’t they will leave one day once they find a new organization or a person who can give them better options.
You also have friends like these, they want to be with you because you are fun to be with; they love fellowships; they love talking about their own stuff, but they will not support you in your endeavors.
In the Bible, Jesus has this kind of friends. I think Jesus is an ambivert person; he loves to be with the people, he often withdrew from the crowd to have time for himself and his Father.
Despite having many people followed Him, these people followed him because he performed many miracles.
And it was noticeable that these followers left him the moment he preached a prophecy and declared that it has been fulfilled and only a few people remained to be with him.
The convenient relationship is the relationship that most people want these days.
A relationship without labels, a relationship without mission, vision, and purpose.
The convenient relationship cannot last when the messy part of every relationship starts.
The Messy Part Of Every Relationship
According to C. S Lewis one of my favorite authors, he said, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
Whether it’s a friendship, family, or romantic relationship, to be in a relationship is messy.
Strong relationships were built when tested. There will be moments of disappointments, lost, offenses, quarrels, never ending arguments, and etc.
Can you withstand with these messes? A lot of people leave their church, their home, their friends because they cannot take offenses. They don’t want to be corrected. They refuse to understand others, what’s important for them is what they only believe is true.
I have friends who often tells me, “Hey Dhenn let me know if I am offending you with what I am saying.” “It is okay, I get used to it, I often get offended by my friends in the past and it helps me a lot to become the person I am today,” I replied.
In the past few years of my life, my friends offended me a lot. I remember how an argument heated up when we talk about LGBT with my VG leader on how we will reach out to them.
I was offended when a close friend, courted the girl I like, but in the end, neither one of us won her heart.
I was offended when one of my close friends often checks what I post on Facebook and social media.
I can tell you a lot of times I was offended. Being offended is part of being in a relationship. Will you overlook it? Take off your pride, be open, and teachable?
If that so, you are mature enough to be in the next type of relationship:
The Covenant Relationship
Covenant relationship does not only falls for the one who is getting married or married already.
Covenant is an agreement in which is in effect until the other person dies. This kind of relationships lasted for a lifetime.
It doesn’t require you to be with your friends all the time, hanging out of them, and etc. Even you are in the other parts of the world, you are still friends through thick and thin.
I am grateful for the friends that I still have until today. I had the opportunity to disciple some of them and most of them are married already and have their own families.
These friends stood the test of time. We meet rarely yet you can see that we are still bonded, only proves that we are in a covenant relationship.
I would love to see that one day when we all have our own families, and grandchildren, and become senior citizens, we will still see each other and will just laugh about our past experiences.
We have different personalities, attitudes, a different process of character reformation, and. if we only find and focus on our similarities and forget our differences and build on it, we can build long lasting relationships.
There will be sharpening, correction and rebuke.
But as the Bible says in Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” And no matter how big the offense is, how the other person goes against your doctrine, still we are all children of God, our inheritance is in heaven, and whatever seems joyful here in this world cannot outlast what is waiting for us in heaven.
Of all the types and kinds of relationships, I only know one thing that could last forever even after we die, and that is our relationship with God.