We are all relational beings longing to live with other people. We have friends that sometimes we unknowingly categorically them by the level of their significance in our lives; we have best friends, close friends, and new friends we cherished. We have our family members and relatives we dearly most.
But let me focus on friendship. Some may disagree with my view but it’s okay, all perspectives are valid. But for me, we did not choose our friends, God chose it for us.
It’s no wonder why God has created us this to be relational because God himself is relational. Relationships play an important role in our lives. I like how C. S Lewis in his book Four Loves define friendship. He said;
“In friendship…we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years’ difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another…the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting–any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.”
I agree with him; we did not choose our friends, God chose them for us. He chose them for us since the very foundation of the world for a purpose. And as each relationship we have, it is either reveal the beauty in each of us and make all things joyful or sometimes terribly devastating. And sometimes we have to make a choice.
To be honest, I lived the life of being alone for the longest time in my life; I hated people, some of my friends betrayed me, but I realize that I need people in my life. I also learned that some people came into our lives can last a lifetime but some are not, hence they are closing their doors.
When a close relationship starts to falter
Relationships are messy. I kid you not. It can turn a boy into a man, and a man into a warrior or a fallen warrior.
Have you ever experienced a point in your life that you had misunderstandings, arguments, emotional instability, and disagreements? A once very close relationship or friendship starts to falter just because of these things.
Yesterday you were once close friends, teased each other, supports each other, pray for each other and then one day you were surprisingly shocked because he/she said to you: “I don’t like to be your friend anymore. We are not peers.” Ouch! What happened? You agreed together to be friends but then he/she is closing the door.
And then you realize you have to make a choice. A difficult choice. “Will I overlook the offense and continue loving him/her unconditionally?”, “Will I step back for a moment and let it cool off then come back again?”, or “Will I choose to end the relationship and all we had and close the door?”
It is not always a happy ending
We, humans always longing for a happy ending. No wonder why Korean dramas, Hollywood movies, novels, and movie series must have their own happy endings lest people will end up disappointed.
We long for a happy ending because God imprinted it in our hearts. I’ve met and know a lot of people who are still unhappy and unsatisfied even they are wealthy, why is that? Because they long for a happy ending and they are looking for it in the wrong places.
We all longing for a happy ending. A happy ending that there will be no more death, mourning, crying or pain. There will be no more rejection and there will be no more closed doors.
When God closed the doors and you’ve left outside
I’m not really a relational person. I don’t like talking with other people but lately, in life, I decided to learn and grow as a communicator. And now I love to communicate. I love to share stories and insights and surely I make friends. My friends have grown in numbers for the past five years but also I’ve had my fair share of being left outside a closed door and being the one who closed the door.
Recently, a friend or should I say a close friend told me that we are not peers anymore. That sounds to me that he/she is closing the door. I told him/her to explain what he/she means but he/she did not respond. I told myself, “Wait, what happened? The last time we talked was we are still close friends, and now it was no longer?”. I held my breath as I felt like I was emotionally devastated.
I had to go through time wherein I desperately asking God for reasons. He is God, He knew everything. I know He has a purpose for this season. I asked Him, “Lord, why did this happen?”, “Have I done anything wrong?”, “Lord, why did you allow us to meet in the first place when in the beginning it was your plan to close the door?, “Lord can we ever go back to the way it was?”
As I pray and seek God. I realize that I have two choices.
I could take the road in which most people take — take my pride. I could’ve thought of all the accomplishments I’ve had and all the blessings that God gave to me, be confident. I could’ve focused on the rejection and the closed door and could have told myself, “uh-huh, I don’t deserve this. It’s not my lost, anyway.” And hope that person will soon realize that he/she made a mistake of closing the door for me. There there, if I made this decision, it could instantly end the relationship and entirely closed the door like what I have made in the past before.
The second choice was to follow what God has told me. In one of my devotions, while reading my Bible, I’m sure the Lord was the one who said it to me in Ephesians 4:2 “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” To love the person unconditionally, even I know it was extremely difficult when my emotions betray me.
The first choice would kill the relationship while the second choice will take a LOT of humility — being already rejected and knowing the doors are closed for me. I followed the choice that would glorify and honor my God. I promised myself before that I won’t make any decision again that will not glorify my God and I won’t burn any bridges again.
Closed doors will be closed doors
Closed doors will be closed doors. Closed doors can only be just that–closed doors. I learned not to make it any bigger than my faith in God. Rejection is temporary, it is not bigger than God. I believe that even if doors are closed to us in relationships, God can open it up in His time and His amazing ways. I really love what my friend said to me: “Even it is a closed door, but when you chose to continue what’s left off and if God will open the door that once was locked, God will move that in that person’s heart and that person will open up again to you.”
God holds all the keys.
In the end, God holds all the keys. I may have many questions but I decided to just trust Him, His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts—He planned it all out since the very beginning of this world. That closed door was purposefully ordained by God. It doesn’t mean it’ll stay closed forever. And I still hope in my relationship with that person—that someday he/she will open it up again for me.
God can change hearts. God can open doors. He showed it to me in different ways. He has changed my heart; He has changed many hearts. Nothing is impossible for Him. Choose to trust in Him completely.
God is God. He is the Lord of All. Any mistakes, failures on our part, don’t make Him any less than He is. The heavens declare His majesty. “I am the Lord your God.”, “Be strong and courageous.” He says. Believe it with all your heart. Don’t fear, don’t fret about closed doors. Lay it all down at the feet of Jesus and put your complete trust in Him.
We may not understand completely what He is doing and in your eyes, closed doors may be as failures on your part. I’ve been there. Trust God completely, what seems a failure to us, in His eyes, it may serve as a success — a success because it wasn’t good for you and has something better for you. We can never really understand God especially in the aspect of relationships—but that’s where real trust and faith in Him is put to the test.
Regardless of any circumstance, I know He is sovereign and I choose to trust God.
Update as of July 2017
I talked to this friend for a few minutes to clarify what he or she means that we are not peers. Apparently I was wrong, he or she means that we are not of the same level. And he or she assured me that we are still friends regardless of.
Update as of August 2017
Nothing has changed since then except for the fact that he or she didn’t kept her word. I was hurt that he or she treated me as a stranger when in fact he or she said that we are still friends.
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