We are all rela­tion­al beings long­ing to live with oth­er peo­ple. We have friends that some­times we unknow­ing­ly cat­e­gor­i­cal­ly them by the lev­el of their sig­nif­i­cance in our lives; we have best friends, close friends, and new friends we cher­ished. We have our fam­i­ly mem­bers and rel­a­tives we dear­ly most.

But let me focus on friend­ship. Some may dis­agree with my view but it’s okay, all per­spec­tives are valid. But for me, we did not choose our friends, God chose it for us.

It’s no won­der why God has cre­at­ed us this to be rela­tion­al because God him­self is rela­tion­al. Rela­tion­ships play an impor­tant role in our lives. I like how C. S Lewis in his book Four Loves define friend­ship. He said;

In friendship…we think we have cho­sen our peers. In real­i­ty a few years’ dif­fer­ence in the dates of our births, a few more miles between cer­tain hous­es, the choice of one uni­ver­si­ty instead of another…the acci­dent of a top­ic being raised or not raised at a first meeting–any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Chris­t­ian, there are, strict­ly speak­ing no chances. A secret mas­ter of cer­e­monies has been at work. Christ, who said to the dis­ci­ples, “Ye have not cho­sen me, but I have cho­sen you,” can tru­ly say to every group of Chris­t­ian friends, “Ye have not cho­sen one anoth­er but I have cho­sen you for one anoth­er.” The friend­ship is not a reward for our dis­crim­i­nat­ing and good taste in find­ing one anoth­er out. It is the instru­ment by which God reveals to each of us the beau­ties of oth­ers.” 

I agree with him; we did not choose our friends, God chose them for us. He chose them for us since the very foun­da­tion of the world for a pur­pose. And as each rela­tion­ship we have, it is either reveal the beau­ty in each of us and make all things joy­ful or some­times ter­ri­bly dev­as­tat­ing. And some­times we have to make a choice.

To be hon­est, I lived the life of being alone for the longest time in my life; I hat­ed peo­ple, some of my friends betrayed me, but I real­ize that I need peo­ple in my life. I also learned that some peo­ple came into our lives can last a life­time but some are not, hence they are clos­ing their doors.

When a close relationship starts to falter

Rela­tion­ships are messy. I kid you not. It can turn a boy into a man, and a man into a war­rior or a fall­en war­rior. 

Have you ever expe­ri­enced a point in your life that you had mis­un­der­stand­ings, argu­ments, emo­tion­al insta­bil­i­ty, and dis­agree­ments? A once very close rela­tion­ship or friend­ship starts to fal­ter just because of these things.

Yes­ter­day you were once close friends, teased each oth­er, sup­ports each oth­er, pray for each oth­er and then one day you were sur­pris­ing­ly shocked because he/she said to you: “I don’t like to be your friend any­more. We are not peers.”  Ouch! What hap­pened? You agreed togeth­er to be friends but then he/she is clos­ing the door.

And then you real­ize you have to make a choice. A dif­fi­cult choice. “Will I over­look the offense and con­tin­ue lov­ing him/her uncon­di­tion­al­ly?”, “Will I step back for a moment and let it cool off then come back again?”, or “Will I choose to end the rela­tion­ship and all we had and close the door?”

It is not always a happy ending

We, humans always long­ing for a hap­py end­ing. No won­der why Kore­an dra­mas, Hol­ly­wood movies, nov­els, and movie series must have their own hap­py end­ings lest peo­ple will end up dis­ap­point­ed.

We long for a hap­py end­ing because God imprint­ed it in our hearts. I’ve met and know a lot of peo­ple who are still unhap­py and unsat­is­fied even they are wealthy, why is that? Because they long for a hap­py end­ing and they are look­ing for it in the wrong places.

We all long­ing for a hap­py end­ing. A hap­py end­ing that there will be no more death, mourn­ing, cry­ing or pain. There will be no more rejec­tion and there will be no more closed doors.

When God closed the doors and you’ve left outside

I’m not real­ly a rela­tion­al per­son. I don’t like talk­ing with oth­er peo­ple but late­ly, in life, I decid­ed to learn and grow as a com­mu­ni­ca­tor. And now I love to com­mu­ni­cate. I love to share sto­ries and insights and sure­ly I make friends. My friends have grown in num­bers for the past five years but also I’ve had my fair share of being left out­side a closed door and being the one who closed the door.

Recent­ly, a friend or should I say a close friend told me that we are not peers any­more. That sounds to me that he/she is clos­ing the door. I told him/her to explain what he/she means but he/she did not respond. I told myself, “Wait, what hap­pened? The last time we talked was we are still close friends, and now it was no longer?”. I held my breath as I felt like I was emo­tion­al­ly dev­as­tat­ed.

I had to go through time where­in I des­per­ate­ly ask­ing God for rea­sons. He is God, He knew every­thing. I know He has a pur­pose for this sea­son. I asked Him, “Lord, why did this hap­pen?”, “Have I done any­thing wrong?”, “Lord, why did you allow us to meet in the first place when in the begin­ning it was your plan to close the door?, “Lord can we ever go back to the way it was?”

As I pray and seek God. I real­ize that I have two choic­es.

I could take the road in which most peo­ple take — take my pride. I could’ve thought of all the accom­plish­ments I’ve had and all the bless­ings that God gave to me, be con­fi­dent. I could’ve focused on the rejec­tion and the closed door and could have told myself, “uh-huh, I don’t deserve this. It’s not my lost, any­way.”  And hope that per­son will soon real­ize that he/she made a mis­take of clos­ing the door for me. There there, if I made this deci­sion, it could instant­ly end the rela­tion­ship and entire­ly closed the door like what I have made in the past before.

The sec­ond choice was to fol­low what God has told me. In one of my devo­tions, while read­ing my Bible, I’m sure the Lord was the one who said it to me in Eph­esians 4:2 “Be com­plete­ly hum­ble and gen­tle; be patient, bear­ing with one anoth­er in love.” To love the per­son uncon­di­tion­al­ly, even I know it was extreme­ly dif­fi­cult when my emo­tions betray me.

The first choice would kill the rela­tion­ship while the sec­ond choice will take a LOT of humil­i­ty —  being already reject­ed and know­ing the doors are closed for me. I fol­lowed the choice that would glo­ri­fy and hon­or my God. I promised myself before that I won’t make any deci­sion again that will not glo­ri­fy my God and I won’t burn any bridges again.

Closed doors will be closed doors

Closed doors will be closed doors. Closed doors can only be just that–closed doors. I learned not to make it any big­ger than my faith in God. Rejec­tion is tem­po­rary, it is not big­ger than God. I believe that even if doors are closed to us in rela­tion­ships, God can open it up in His time and His amaz­ing ways. I real­ly love what my friend said to me: “Even it is a closed door, but when you chose to con­tin­ue what’s left off and if God will open the door that once was locked, God will move that in that person’s heart and that per­son will open up again to you.”

God holds all the keys.

In the end, God holds all the keys. I may have many ques­tions but I decid­ed to just trust Him, His ways are high­er than my ways, and His thoughts are high­er than my thoughts—He planned it all out since the very begin­ning of this world. That closed door was pur­pose­ful­ly ordained by God. It doesn’t mean it’ll stay closed for­ev­er. And I still hope in my rela­tion­ship with that person—that some­day he/she will open it up again for me.

God can change hearts. God can open doors. He showed it to me in dif­fer­ent ways. He has changed my heart; He has changed many hearts. Noth­ing is impos­si­ble for Him.  Choose to trust in Him com­plete­ly.

God is God. He is the Lord of All. Any mis­takes, fail­ures on our part, don’t make Him any less than He is. The heav­ens declare His majesty. “I am the Lord your God.”, “Be strong and coura­geous.” He says. Believe it with all your heart. Don’t fear, don’t fret about closed doors. Lay it all down at the feet of Jesus and put your com­plete trust in Him.

We may not under­stand com­plete­ly what He is doing and in your eyes, closed doors may be as fail­ures on your part. I’ve been there. Trust God com­plete­ly, what seems a fail­ure to us, in His eyes, it may serve as a suc­cess — a suc­cess because it wasn’t good for you and has some­thing bet­ter for you. We can nev­er real­ly under­stand God espe­cial­ly in the aspect of relationships—but that’s where real trust and faith in Him is put to the test.

Regard­less of any cir­cum­stance, I know He is sov­er­eign and I choose to trust God.

Update as of July 2017

I talked to this friend for a few min­utes to clar­i­fy what he or she means that we are not peers. Appar­ent­ly I was wrong, he or she means that we are not of the same lev­el. And he or she assured me that we are still friends regard­less of.

Update as of August 2017

Noth­ing has changed since then except for the fact that he or she didn’t kept her word. I was hurt that he or she treat­ed me as a stranger when in fact he or she said that we are still friends.

 




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I blog about my dis­cov­er­ies and learn­ings with per­son­al devel­op­ment, blog­ging, writ­ing, pub­lic speak­ing, and pub­lish­ing. I am a Jesus fol­low­er. Each month, I send out a newslet­ter with free tips on those top­ics.

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