I just got back from the habit of finishing a book in one month. And there was a day I was looking for a book to read from my bookshelf. And voila! I saw Pastor Dan Chun’s book about how to pick spouse and it sounds interesting. So I read it.
I believe that there are three major decisions in life that we have to make.
Master:To whom will I dedicate my life? Mission:What is my purpose or passion in life? Mate:Who will be my spouse?
To whom will I dedicate my life? If you can answer this question, the chances are you are on the right path. If you know who your Master is, in my case, it’s Christ. It will be easy for me to know what I was made for and my core values.
But for the spouse, it’s hard. Because it’s critical. It will make or break your future. So seek counsel from your friends and pray.
Now, have you ever ask yourself what kind of spouse are you looking for? In reality, it wasn’t easy. It takes a village to find a spouse!
In Proverbs 31:10 says “A good woman is hard to find and worth far more than diamonds.”
With lots of information from the internet and sensationalist, and new age speakers who always talks about the romantic relationships just like the Mr. Speaker told the young girl to just say yes to the person, how will I know if that is right? Are there any guidelines that we can follow?
Fortunately, there is. So stop listening to those speakers whose trying to persuade you that there is a perfect formula to have a good marriage or relationship because the Bible itself talks a lot about it. I’m not going to share Bible verses here and bombard you with theological concepts, I’m just sharing you some practical guidelines from Dan Chun’s book in which most of them came from the Bible.
1. Don’t get married to be fulfilled. Get married to fulfill the other person.
Marriage is not about finding the one who will complete you. If you combine two less lonely people in the world, you will get two lonely people, it’s not fine, right? Jesus is the only one who can complete you.
2. To be lonely as a single is better than being lonely as a married. It’s painful to be lonely inside a marriage.
3. Marrying the wrong person can be very, very hard.
4. Be the person you want to marry. Work on the things you need to deal with before marriage.
The question is not what I like or what are my standards, the question should be, Am I becoming the person I want to marry? Am I becoming the person in my own standards for my potential spouse?
5. The greatest advantage you have in finding a spouse is knowing yourself.
6. No one will ever fill the void you have for the love you want or need. Only God can do that.
7. Here’s where my 3 C’s come to play in: Character, Competency, Conversations. Look for these three things.
Character: is the person has a good character? How does he or she deal with pressure? Did he or she burst out in anger over small things? How do he or she react to difficult situations?
Competency: Is this person has a job? How he or she is with it? Can he or she remain on the job longer? Can he or she master a skill? Or he or she is lazy and incompetent?
Conversations: Relationship is all about communication. If the person loves to argue, not listening and seems not interested to hear what you say and your stories, move on. Find a person whom you can talk to for hours about any topic that come out. If you find a person who listens to you, who is interested in you and your stories, don’t let go of that person.
8. Want to have a great date? Invite the person to go on hikes, mission trip or volunteering activities. See how the person responds to stress and being in the heat where things can go wrong.
9. Marry a listener. So much of communication is about listening and not talking nor nagging.
10. Look for a humility in a person. Humility is a sign of high self-esteem. Why? Here are the reasons:
They don’t grab glory because they know their self-worth and they need not flaunt it.
The feel good about themselves and don’t care about what people think about them. - They don’t bring down others to their level just to destroy someone’s reputation.
They also realize that their failures result from someone else’s successes.
11. People who don’t value someone’s opinion are lone rangers. People want to know they count. They want to know that they are valued and their emotions and thoughts.
12. Be willing to not always insist on getting your own way.
13. Forgiveness is not about condoning a harmful act or forget about the offense. You can’t forget an offense.Forgiveness is about giving your right to retaliate and leaving the judgment to God. God knows we cannot handle justice well so he offered to leave it to Him. He knows how to payback, God says, “Vengeance is mine.”
14. A person is trustworthy when his or her word is like a bond. He or she is a promise keeper, not a promise breaker.
15. The art of finding a spouse is not finding the right person but becoming the right person. It is not about what will you get from him or her but what can I offer to him or her?
All right! I hope you find something valuable from it. If you want to read his book, it is available on Amazon and some bookstores in the Philippines.
Let me leave you with a quote from Alfred Adler, “Follow your heart but take your brain with you.”
Feel free to share this with your friends who are going to marry or on the season of looking for a spouse.
Last Sunday, we watched “100 Tula Para Kay Stella”. Yes third-wheel ulit ako though I can watch movies alone. I don’t watch romantic movies cause I watch movies unless it will pick my interest to do so. But this time, I am determined to watch a local indie movie. I love indies! It depicts the reality of life. I love the plot, I love the story of a young man who fell in love with a young woman and wrote poems for her.
I can relate somehow as a certified introvert and a torpe before, I remember when I was in high school, I wrote a lot of letters for my crush in a piece of a notebook. And then I wrote everything about her on it. From poems to love letters. I know you want to know what happened and to cut the long story short, I failed to give the notebook to her because I found out she has a boyfriend already. Hahaha. The notebook? I burned that already.
So while watching the movie, I wrote as much as possible lessons that I learned from it. I believe not only in a relationship, we can apply these in our daily lives.
Disclaimer: Images are not mine. If you own any of these don’t hesitate to email me and will give the rightful ownership to you.
1. Tell it upfront.
For men, when you like someone, first pray about it then tell her when you’re ready to commit not when you’re lonely.
I like how Fidel wrote poems for her. He invested his emotions to Stella by fantasizing about her and wrote it in a poem. But he failed to tell her when in fact they have been together for so many times. He got the chance to tell her when Stella has married to other man and pregnant already, how devastating. If he could have told her early, it might be a happy ending.
Kaya ikaw brad, pag ready ka na sabihin mo na! Women will tell you if they don’t like you by rejecting you. If they don’t like you, assess yourself. Would you still like her despite the rejection? Then try again after some time, if not, stay away and move on. If you’re worried if you will still be friends after that? Most likely it depends on your decision and her decision. But according to what I have experienced, it’s possible but closeness to each other will take time to rebuild.
Just like in our daily lives, we Filipinos are man pleasers by nature. We fear rejection, we don’t like the feeling of hurting someone, we want to be at peace with everyone. But it’s not good most of the time when our friend is doing something wrong. Show care to them by telling them what it is.
In our careers, most managers today encourage open doors. Tell all your concerns and complaints. Share your career aspirations so they know how can they help you.
In everything, try to tell it up front. It is better to be clear so there will be no room for misunderstanding.
2. Have a deeper purpose in all that you will do.
Pursuing what you love while you are studying is not bad if you know how to manage your priorities.
I like how Fidel focused on his studies. He wanted to finish college. He did not allow any other circumstances to stop him from finishing it. He knows its purpose.
Unlike Stella who was a stubborn lady. All she wants is her dreams. To be famous, to perform in front of a large crowd, being applauded by many people. But for what? I observed that she lacks a deeper sense of her purpose.
It is important to have a purpose in your life. Why do you do what you do? It is better to know your “why” first. What I mean, the deeper purpose for your existence. A purpose that will give you a mission and vision bigger than yourself.
3. You need friends in your darkest nights.
You need friends whom you will turn to when everything goes wrong. I experienced the time when I was young that I don’t have friends to turn to. I felt alone, I felt no one loves me.
But thank God, He never let me be alone. Choose the people whom you want to be associated with. They will make or break you. Bad company corrupts good character. You become the average of the five people you spend time with.
4. A lost opportunity is a lost opportunity.
“Sayang!” When we lost an opportunity we often exclaimed this. But a lost is a lost. But instead of regretting it, grab it next time.
5. Don’t be a social climber who uses people to their own advantage to achieve your dreams.
Stella uses people to her own advantage. She entered a relationship with some men as a step towards fulfillment of her dreams.
Don’t be a social climber. Don’t be user-friendly. If you want to achieve your dreams, have genuine relationships with people who have the same interest and dreams as yours, who will help you and you will help as well. Be self-less serve them.
6. Don’t let your dreams become your purpose for your existence.
Stella’s purpose for her existence is her dreams of becoming a famous singer. How sad to know that she wasn’t able to achieve her dreams.
It’s okay to have dreams but don’t make it your world. Focusing too much on it will lead you to a frustrated life. Enjoy life, enjoy the journey.
7. Sometimes you don’t have to be desperate for an opportunity. Be ready. As opportunity comes not to those who seek it but those who are ready for it.
Fidel doesn’t have plans to become a singer, but one of his classmates discovered that he has a talent for singing. Then he started to have gigs with his band.
Don’t be desperate. If it’s meant for you, it’s for you.
8. Don’t make someone becomes your world.
Fidel revolves his life around Stella. He made her his world. I remember what he said to Stella: “Corny man sabihin, pero ikaw ang mundo ko.”
To be honest, in the past, I made someone to be my world. Devastating experience. From there on, I learned not to make someone my world. Because in the end, a person can love you or will be there as long as they can but cannot be with you forever.
That’s where I learn to make Jesus my world. Everything I do revolves around him. He is the reason for my existence. He was there before I was born. He knows a lot about myself more than I know myself. He loves me more than any other person in this world by giving up His life for me.
To end this blog, I want to leave you one of the best lines from the movie:
This is true in some ways. Ang nakakatuluyan natin is yung taong gusto ni Lord para sa atin.
Have you watched the movie already? Share in the comments what you have learned as well! If you haven’t watched, this is the last day, you must watch it!
We are all relational beings longing to live with other people. We have friends that sometimes we unknowingly categorically them by the level of their significance in our lives; we have best friends, close friends, and new friends we cherished. We have our family members and relatives we dearly most.
But let me focus on friendship. Some may disagree with my view but it’s okay, all perspectives are valid. But for me, we did not choose our friends, God chose it for us.
It’s no wonder why God has created us this to be relational because God himself is relational. Relationships play an important role in our lives. I like how C. S Lewis in his book Four Loves define friendship. He said;
“In friendship…we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years’ difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another…the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting–any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.”
I agree with him; we did not choose our friends, God chose them for us. He chose them for us since the very foundation of the world for a purpose. And as each relationship we have, it is either reveal the beauty in each of us and make all things joyful or sometimes terribly devastating. And sometimes we have to make a choice.
To be honest, I lived the life of being alone for the longest time in my life; I hated people, some of my friends betrayed me, but I realize that I need people in my life. I also learned that some people came into our lives can last a lifetime but some are not, hence they are closing their doors.
When a close relationship starts to falter
Relationships are messy. I kid you not. It can turn a boy into a man, and a man into a warrior or a fallen warrior.
Have you ever experienced a point in your life that you had misunderstandings, arguments, emotional instability, and disagreements? A once very close relationship or friendship starts to falter just because of these things.
Yesterday you were once close friends, teased each other, supports each other, pray for each other and then one day you were surprisingly shocked because he/she said to you: “I don’t like to be your friend anymore. We are not peers.” Ouch! What happened? You agreed together to be friends but then he/she is closing the door.
And then you realize you have to make a choice. A difficult choice. “Will I overlook the offense and continue loving him/her unconditionally?”, “Will I step back for a moment and let it cool off then come back again?”, or “Will I choose to end the relationship and all we had and close the door?”
It is not always a happy ending
We, humans always longing for a happy ending. No wonder why Korean dramas, Hollywood movies, novels, and movie series must have their own happy endings lest people will end up disappointed.
We long for a happy ending because God imprinted it in our hearts. I’ve met and know a lot of people who are still unhappy and unsatisfied even they are wealthy, why is that? Because they long for a happy ending and they are looking for it in the wrong places.
We all longing for a happy ending. A happy ending that there will be no more death, mourning, crying or pain. There will be no more rejection and there will be no more closed doors.
When God closed the doors and you’ve left outside
I’m not really a relational person. I don’t like talking with other people but lately, in life, I decided to learn and grow as a communicator. And now I love to communicate. I love to share stories and insights and surely I make friends. My friends have grown in numbers for the past five years but also I’ve had my fair share of being left outside a closed door and being the one who closed the door.
Recently, a friend or should I say a close friend told me that we are not peers anymore. That sounds to me that he/she is closing the door. I told him/her to explain what he/she means but he/she did not respond. I told myself, “Wait, what happened? The last time we talked was we are still close friends, and now it was no longer?”. I held my breath as I felt like I was emotionally devastated.
I had to go through time wherein I desperately asking God for reasons. He is God, He knew everything. I know He has a purpose for this season. I asked Him, “Lord, why did this happen?”, “Have I done anything wrong?”, “Lord, why did you allow us to meet in the first place when in the beginning it was your plan to close the door?, “Lord can we ever go back to the way it was?”
As I pray and seek God. I realize that I have two choices.
I could take the road in which most people take — take my pride. I could’ve thought of all the accomplishments I’ve had and all the blessings that God gave to me, be confident. I could’ve focused on the rejection and the closed door and could have told myself, “uh-huh, I don’t deserve this. It’s not my lost, anyway.” And hope that person will soon realize that he/she made a mistake of closing the door for me. There there, if I made this decision, it could instantly end the relationship and entirely closed the door like what I have made in the past before.
The second choice was to follow what God has told me. In one of my devotions, while reading my Bible, I’m sure the Lord was the one who said it to me in Ephesians 4:2 “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” To love the person unconditionally, even I know it was extremely difficult when my emotions betray me.
The first choice would kill the relationship while the second choice will take a LOT of humility — being already rejected and knowing the doors are closed for me. I followed the choice that would glorify and honor my God. I promised myself before that I won’t make any decision again that will not glorify my God and I won’t burn any bridges again.
Closed doors will be closed doors
Closed doors will be closed doors. Closed doors can only be just that–closed doors. I learned not to make it any bigger than my faith in God. Rejection is temporary, it is not bigger than God. I believe that even if doors are closed to us in relationships, God can open it up in His time and His amazing ways. I really love what my friend said to me: “Even it is a closed door, but when you chose to continue what’s left off and if God will open the door that once was locked, God will move that in that person’s heart and that person will open up again to you.”
God holds all the keys.
In the end, God holds all the keys. I may have many questions but I decided to just trust Him, His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts—He planned it all out since the very beginning of this world. That closed door was purposefully ordained by God. It doesn’t mean it’ll stay closed forever. And I still hope in my relationship with that person—that someday he/she will open it up again for me.
God can change hearts. God can open doors. He showed it to me in different ways. He has changed my heart; He has changed many hearts. Nothing is impossible for Him. Choose to trust in Him completely.
God is God. He is the Lord of All. Any mistakes, failures on our part, don’t make Him any less than He is. The heavens declare His majesty. “I am the Lord your God.”, “Be strong and courageous.” He says. Believe it with all your heart. Don’t fear, don’t fret about closed doors. Lay it all down at the feet of Jesus and put your complete trust in Him.
We may not understand completely what He is doing and in your eyes, closed doors may be as failures on your part. I’ve been there. Trust God completely, what seems a failure to us, in His eyes, it may serve as a success — a success because it wasn’t good for you and has something better for you. We can never really understand God especially in the aspect of relationships—but that’s where real trust and faith in Him is put to the test.
Regardless of any circumstance, I know He is sovereign and I choose to trust God.
Update as of July 2017
I talked to this friend for a few minutes to clarify what he or she means that we are not peers. Apparently I was wrong, he or she means that we are not of the same level. And he or she assured me that we are still friends regardless of.
Update as of August 2017
Nothing has changed since then except for the fact that he or she didn’t kept her word. I was hurt that he or she treated me as a stranger when in fact he or she said that we are still friends.
It was December 2015 in the evening when I finally decided to stop regretting about what happened in my life. I used to regret the decisions I’ve made, the actions I’ve taken but on that night, I knelt down in prayer and left everything to Jesus.
A lot of people have many regrets in life. Whether they missed an opportunity that gets in the way or a loss of someone they dearly loved because they weren’t able to express to them how they really love them. Pero ang isa na yata sa pinaka-malalang regrets ng mga kalalakihan is hindi mo man lang nasabi or na-express yung dapat mong sabihin sa taong gusto mo. Nagka-boyfriend na ng iba, wala ka man lang nasabi. Haha!
Not a few weeks ago, I talked to different people that I know can speak to my life not because they were my friends but because they can give the information or the feedback that I need, not the one that I want. I took everything that they’ve said, and also what God said.
Making the decision was a difficult one. Most of my friends’ valid concern was “Dhenn, are you sure about it?”. “Yes”, I promptly replied. I have actually doubted my decision a lot of times. My plans at first didn’t come out as I expected, but anyway, I was able to carry it out until the decision came out.
I won’t tell you the details but a friend told me again, “Did you regret what you did?”
After three consecutive years, that was the only time I heard the word “regret” again. And to regret is a feeling of disappointment, sadness or frustration over something that has happened or been done or about something you wish you did. It’s a painful feeling because you can’t bring back the time, yung tipong andami mong “what-ifs” in life or “what could have been”. Yung agony na nabubuhay ka sa nakaraan at hindi sa kung anong meron ngayon.
And then I told my friend that I didn’t. To regret is such a waste of time. I can never bring back the time, I can never restore things to its original state. But one thing for sure, I did what I need to be done. I stepped out of faith and risk the whole of myself so that I will not be baffled with questions that were filling my mind. My questions have been answered, it brings clarity and direction to me. And maybe if I didn’t step out of faith and courage, perhaps my mind was still filled with questions that I can never answer until I ask.
God made it clear to me that He still keeping the best for me, and I still have a mission to accomplish.
There will be a time that we will be disappointed, but there’s one Person I know who risked his life for the people who didn’t even like him, for the people who rejected him. Did he regret what he did? No, he didn’t. He was proud of it. He highly thought of you while he was dying. And he is Jesus Christ, the most courageous person I’ve ever known. Till next time.
It was April of 2014 after a church service the last time I laid down my intentions to a woman I like to marry. After a week, I got a “yes”, not knowing how to respond, I just invited her to pray. After a few months of going out and spending time with friends and spiritual family, we decided to end the courtship, You probably asking why, well it simply we were not meant for each other.
Though I believe the courtship was successful, I know it was painful and at the same time on my part. I realize that I wasn’t really ready of entering into a relationship with someone because of my immaturity and insecurities. So throughout the months that I was healing myself, I seek, I read, I work steadily to improve just to be the best version of me — I’m not yet really at that level, but I believe I made progression each year that goes by.
Just a disclaimer, I’m not an expert, nor you may disagree with my opinion, I’m just sharing what I learned from my experiences and what other mentors and married men told me in clearing my intentions to women I like. You may take it or not, and it’s all up to you.
But before anything else, make sure you are confident that you can lead her,you have a job, you are grounded in the Scriptures, and have a relationship with God, and foremost, she is godly because it is not enough that she’s just a Christian.
Men, when you like a girl, don’t dilly dally or ask yourself whether this girl will like you back or not, just go and pursue her. I kid you not, I wasted my time spending 3 years waiting for the right time when to declare my intentions of courting the woman I liked before. It’s okay to be friends with her because after all, friendship is the foundation of any relationship, but don’t wait for too long. I learned that I played safe because I fear rejection, so as a result, it was a painful experience.
Have a timeline when you will clear your intentions. I think having a timeline is important. Perhaps the reason why I waited too long was that I don’t have any timeline, to begin with. I enjoyed so much being with her as a friend for the long time that I don’t have any goals. I wasted my youth if I had only figured out that we are never meant for each other and we are good as friends only, as early as possible, I would have saved time and never invested so many emotions and time for that person.
Have a list of qualities and characteristics you prefer to married with. Not all men have this, but I do. It helps me to make better decisions of what I like versus of what I really want.
Don’t date or court someone whom you will not marry. The goal of courtship is to get to know your potential future spouse. The goal of courtship must be marriage. You wouldn’t like to invest your emotions and, time and money to someone you will not marry, it will be such a waste if you date just for fun. “Date wisely, it will save you from heartbreak”, a married friend once said to me whom I have met last week,
Be firm with your decision. There will be many factors that might affect your decision. Perhaps, the opinion of others. The opinion of your leaders, spiritual mentors, family, and friends are important but they are not the one who will choose a spouse for you. Be selective, not all opinions matters. One way to help you be firm in your decision is asking yourself, why do I like her?, do I see myself with this person for a lifetime?, and most important and should never be neglected, what does God say?
Now you’ve got all what you need, what’s next? Tell her! “Man up!” , this is what I often hear from others. Men should man up! Oh yes! I am preaching to myself as well! Haha.
What do you like about her?
What do you want to say? I-like-you
What do you want her to do? I–like-to-ask–your-permission-if-you-would-allow-me-to-date-and-court-you.
For what? To-get-to-know-you.
Then pause and wait for her decision. She might be in the state of confusion or bewildered by your courage and still processing everything you have just said. She also might laugh at you and thought it was a joke but show to her that you are serious.
Hooray, you did it! So, what then? Probably the next step is how to handle her response. And it’s only three: “Yes”, “No” and, “I will pray for it”.
This is how you respond. Another disclaimer, I only learned this from my leader whom I talked with last Sunday.
If she says Yes. Boom! you got her! She is giving you a chance! In this case, you may say, “Thank you, I will try my best to pursue and win your heart and in the event that you will say “no” while in the process, I will respect your decision.
If she says No. It’s okay brother. Men are born warriors. If she says no, then ask the reason why. Then assure her that you will respect her decision as well.
if she says, I will pray about it. This means she will pray and ask God for help to decide. In this case, ask her whether she will pray for the decision or she will pray whether she will consider entering a relationship with you. And if she will answer the latter part, then it means she already allowing you to court and date her. If the first one, give her a week and ask her out again for a follow-up. Just a reminder, don’t make kulit her during the week she is praying and thinking about her decision.
And that’s it. The purpose of courtship season is to get to know whether both of you will proceed to engagement and then marriage. Have a timeline as well when you will plan to get married. While this may sound a good guide, it is better to consult with your parents and married friends.
It’s been a busy month for me because I wasn’t able to catch up writing and I paused for a while from reading a book.
It was a great moment of learning from my mentor last week together with others through fellowship.
We discussed a lot of things, from faith, Jesus, purpose, speaking, writing a book, and relationships.
Today, I would like to share with you what I have learned from relationships.
There are many kinds of relationships, co-worker relationship, friendship, romantic relationship, manager to employee relationship, mentor to mentee relationship, etc.
They may seem a lot and I learned that all of them fall into two types of relationship:
Now let me expound them for you.
Nah, from the word itself, the convenient relationship is an easy way out for those who doesn’t like the inconvenience and the messy part of relationships.
People who are into this kind of relationship uses people to their own advantage. They act like consumers until you can give something that benefits them, they will not leave you.
You need to fit into their world and if you don’t they will leave one day once they find a new organization or a person who can give them better options.
You also have friends like these, they want to be with you because you are fun to be with; they love fellowships; they love talking about their own stuff, but they will not support you in your endeavors.
In the Bible, Jesus has this kind of friends. I think Jesus is an ambivert person; he loves to be with the people, he often withdrew from the crowd to have time for himself and his Father.
Despite having many people followed Him, these people followed him because he performed many miracles.
And it was noticeable that these followers left him the moment he preached a prophecy and declared that it has been fulfilled and only a few people remained to be with him.
The convenient relationship is the relationship that most people want these days.
A relationship without labels, a relationship without mission, vision, and purpose.
The convenient relationship cannot last when the messy part of every relationship starts.
The Messy Part Of Every Relationship
According to C. S Lewis one of my favorite authors, he said, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
Whether it’s a friendship, family, or romantic relationship, to be in a relationship is messy.
Strong relationships were built when tested. There will be moments of disappointments, lost, offenses, quarrels, never ending arguments, and etc.
Can you withstand with these messes? A lot of people leave their church, their home, their friends because they cannot take offenses. They don’t want to be corrected. They refuse to understand others, what’s important for them is what they only believe is true.
I have friends who often tells me, “Hey Dhenn let me know if I am offending you with what I am saying.” “It is okay, I get used to it, I often get offended by my friends in the past and it helps me a lot to become the person I am today,” I replied.
In the past few years of my life, my friends offended me a lot. I remember how an argument heated up when we talk about LGBT with my VG leader on how we will reach out to them.
I was offended when a close friend, courted the girl I like, but in the end, neither one of us won her heart.
I was offended when one of my close friends often checks what I post on Facebook and social media.
I can tell you a lot of times I was offended. Being offended is part of being in a relationship. Will you overlook it? Take off your pride, be open, and teachable?
If that so, you are mature enough to be in the next type of relationship:
The Covenant Relationship
Covenant relationship does not only falls for the one who is getting married or married already.
Covenant is an agreement in which is in effect until the other person dies. This kind of relationships lasted for a lifetime.
It doesn’t require you to be with your friends all the time, hanging out of them, and etc. Even you are in the other parts of the world, you are still friends through thick and thin.
I am grateful for the friends that I still have until today. I had the opportunity to disciple some of them and most of them are married already and have their own families.
These friends stood the test of time. We meet rarely yet you can see that we are still bonded, only proves that we are in a covenant relationship.
I would love to see that one day when we all have our own families, and grandchildren, and become senior citizens, we will still see each other and will just laugh about our past experiences.
We have different personalities, attitudes, a different process of character reformation, and. if we only find and focus on our similarities and forget our differences and build on it, we can build long lasting relationships.
There will be sharpening, correction and rebuke.
But as the Bible says in Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” And no matter how big the offense is, how the other person goes against your doctrine, still we are all children of God, our inheritance is in heaven, and whatever seems joyful here in this world cannot outlast what is waiting for us in heaven.
Of all the types and kinds of relationships, I only know one thing that could last forever even after we die, and that is our relationship with God.