Notes from the Book: How To Pick A Spouse by Dan Chun

I just got back from the habit of fin­ish­ing a book in one month. And there was a day I was look­ing for a book to read from my book­shelf. And voila! I saw Pas­tor Dan Chun’s book about how to pick spouse and it sounds inter­est­ing. So I read it.

I believe that there are three major deci­sions in life that we have to make.

Mas­ter: To whom will I ded­i­cate my life?
Mis­sion: What is my pur­pose or pas­sion in life?
Mate: Who will be my spouse?

To whom will I ded­i­cate my life? If you can answer this ques­tion, the chances are you are on the right path. If you know who your Mas­ter is, in my case, it’s Christ. It will be easy for me to know what I was made for and my core val­ues.

But for the spouse, it’s hard. Because it’s crit­i­cal. It will make or break your future. So seek coun­sel from your friends and pray.

Now, have you ever ask your­self what kind of spouse are you look­ing for? In real­i­ty, it wasn’t easy. It takes a vil­lage to find a spouse!

In Proverbs 31:10 says “A good woman is hard to find and worth far more than dia­monds.”

With lots of infor­ma­tion from the inter­net and sen­sa­tion­al­ist, and new age speak­ers who always talks about the roman­tic rela­tion­ships just like the Mr. Speak­er told the young girl to just say yes to the per­son, how will I know if that is right? Are there any guide­lines that we can fol­low?

For­tu­nate­ly, there is. So stop lis­ten­ing to those speak­ers whose try­ing to per­suade you that there is a per­fect for­mu­la to have a good mar­riage or rela­tion­ship because the Bible itself talks a lot about it. I’m not going to share Bible vers­es here and bom­bard you with the­o­log­i­cal con­cepts, I’m just shar­ing you some prac­ti­cal guide­lines from Dan Chun’s book in which most of them came from the Bible.

1. Don’t get mar­ried to be ful­filled. Get mar­ried to ful­fill the oth­er per­son.

Mar­riage is not about find­ing the one who will com­plete you. If you com­bine two less lone­ly peo­ple in the world, you will get two lone­ly peo­ple, it’s not fine, right? Jesus is the only one who can com­plete you.

2. To be lone­ly as a sin­gle is bet­ter than being lone­ly as a mar­ried. It’s painful to be lone­ly inside a mar­riage. 

Here some of the ways you can max­i­mize your sea­son as a sin­gle per­son.

3. Mar­ry­ing the wrong per­son can be very, very hard.

4. Be the per­son you want to mar­ry. Work on the things you need to deal with before mar­riage.

The ques­tion is not what I like or what are my stan­dards, the ques­tion should be, Am I becom­ing the per­son I want to mar­ry? Am I becom­ing the per­son in my own stan­dards for my poten­tial spouse?

5. The great­est advan­tage you have in find­ing a spouse is know­ing your­self.

6. No one will ever fill the void you have for the love you want or need. Only God can do that.

7. Here’s where my 3 C’s come to play in: Char­ac­ter, Com­pe­ten­cy, Con­ver­sa­tions. Look for these three things.

Char­ac­ter: is the per­son has a good char­ac­ter? How does he or she deal with pres­sure? Did he or she burst out in anger over small things? How do he or she react to dif­fi­cult sit­u­a­tions?

Com­pe­ten­cy: Is this per­son has a job? How he or she is with it? Can he or she remain on the job longer? Can he or she mas­ter a skill? Or he or she is lazy and incom­pe­tent?

Con­ver­sa­tions: Rela­tion­ship is all about com­mu­ni­ca­tion. If the per­son loves to argue, not lis­ten­ing and seems not inter­est­ed to hear what you say and your sto­ries, move on. Find a per­son whom you can talk to for hours about any top­ic that come out. If you find a per­son who lis­tens to you, who is inter­est­ed in you and your sto­ries, don’t let go of that per­son.

8. Want to have a great date? Invite the per­son to go on hikes, mis­sion trip or vol­un­teer­ing activ­i­ties. See how the per­son responds to stress and being in the heat where things can go wrong.

9. Mar­ry a lis­ten­er. So much of com­mu­ni­ca­tion is about lis­ten­ing and not talk­ing nor nag­ging.

10. Look for a humil­i­ty in a per­son. Humil­i­ty is a sign of high self-esteem. Why? Here are the rea­sons:

  • They don’t grab glo­ry because they know their self-worth and they need not flaunt it.
  • The feel good about them­selves and don’t care about what peo­ple think about them.
    - They don’t bring down oth­ers to their lev­el just to destroy someone’s rep­u­ta­tion.
  • They also real­ize that their fail­ures result from some­one else’s suc­cess­es.

11. Peo­ple who don’t val­ue someone’s opin­ion are lone rangers. Peo­ple want to know they count. They want to know that they are val­ued and their emo­tions and thoughts.

12. Be will­ing to not always insist on get­ting your own way.

13. For­give­ness is not about con­don­ing a harm­ful act or for­get about the offense. You can’t for­get an offense. For­give­ness is about giv­ing your right to retal­i­ate and leav­ing the judg­ment to God. God knows we can­not han­dle jus­tice well so he offered to leave it to Him. He knows how to pay­back, God says, “Vengeance is mine.”

14. A per­son is trust­wor­thy when his or her word is like a bond. He or she is a promise keep­er, not a promise break­er.

And last,

15. The art of find­ing a spouse is not find­ing the right per­son but becom­ing the right per­son. It is not about what will you get from him or her but what can I offer to him or her?

All right! I hope you find some­thing valu­able from it. If you want to read his book, it is avail­able on Ama­zon and some book­stores in the Philip­pines.

Let me leave you with a quote from Alfred Adler, “Fol­low your heart but take your brain with you.”

Feel free to share this with your friends who are going to mar­ry or on the sea­son of look­ing for a spouse.

Maximize Your Season

Last week, Mon­day, I spent my hol­i­day togeth­er with my friends and new found friends inside the com­mu­ni­ty of sin­gles from our church.

Twas a whole day of fun and get­ting to know some of them through ask­ing ques­tions and play­ing games with them. As they said, you can only know the peo­ple for who they are by play­ing games with them.

When Singleness becomes a sickness

 

For so many years that I’ve been a Chris­t­ian and spend­ing time and min­is­ter­ing to some sin­gle men for years, and observ­ing some of my friends who are sin­gle, most of them thought that sin­gle­ness is a sick­ness.

Whether be it a sin­gle man or women, count­less of them hop­ing they are in a rela­tion­ship with some­one, pray­ing for that right man or woman to come.

 

Insecurity causes sickness

 

Do I look like ugly?”, “Why there’s no man want to pur­sue me?”, “Why seems all the woman I approach doesn’t like me?” Ugh, inse­cu­ri­ty kills. I have a lot of them. Inse­cu­ri­ty some­times hid in the form of pride or pity. And most of my inse­cu­ri­ties appeared when­ev­er some­one com­pared me to oth­ers on a per­son­al lev­el.

That’s when you fill the hole in your heart with so many things. Then you became bit­ter with oth­ers who are in a rela­tion­ship.

But I want you to think in a dif­fer­ent way.

 

The Three Seasons of Life

 

There are only three sea­sons a man should have. The sea­son you were study­ing as a stu­dent, the sea­son you worked, the sea­son when you will retire.

The first sea­son, some say that when you were a stu­dent, you have a lot of time and ener­gy but lack of resources. Since stu­dents rely on their par­ents for allowances.

The next sea­son is you have enough mon­ey but lack time. Here’s adult­ing comes in. With so many respon­si­bil­i­ties, we want­ed for a more bal­anced life.

The last sea­son is the sea­son when you have a lot of mon­ey but lack time and ener­gy.

There’s a beau­ty in every sea­son but not every­one is max­i­miz­ing it. Stu­dents often waste their youth by play­ing games, par­ty, drink­ing ses­sions, etc. I’ve been there and done that.

Sin­gle peo­ple often waste their sea­son by still act­ing as a stu­dent or not accept­ing their present sea­son.

Instead of build­ing them­selves up, they keep wish­ing.
Instead of tak­ing respon­si­bil­i­ty they keep get­ting away from it.
Instead of learn­ing how to wait, they set­tled in the com­plex­i­ty of life that could give them any­thing in an instant.

How about the old ones? I don’t think they have enough time to waste. You see most of them max­i­miz­ing the remain­ing years of their lives.

When I was a stu­dent, I was a gamer. I learned to play com­put­er games when I was 15, became addict­ed to it, I learned to steal and lie because of it. Imag­ine, every time my mom asked me to buy some­thing from the super­mar­ket or gro­cery near­by. I often return to her after an hour because I have to go to the com­put­er shop first!

When I became a young pro­fes­sion­al, I still play those games severe­ly until I was 21. I spent all the mon­ey I earned to make sure my char­ac­ter becomes more pow­er­ful each pain­less pur­chase. I was starv­ing yet my vir­tu­al play­er was pow­er­ful, isn’t iron­ic?

We often waste our time pur­su­ing worth­less pur­suits because we didn’t have the wis­dom how to num­ber our days. You see, peo­ple often make excus­es because they didn’t know their time. For exam­ple, if one per­son told you and he’s com­plain­ing because he can­not save mon­ey, then you told him to set aside 15 to 20% of his salary every month and he will tell you: “I am too young to think about it”, and when he gets old and start­ing to build his own fam­i­ly, “I have to send the kids to school.” And I guess that’s one of the rea­sons why most Fil­ipino can­not save mon­ey.

Teach ourselves to number our days

 

In the Bible, it teach­es us to num­ber our days. It says in Psalm 90:12 “Teach us to real­ize the brevi­ty of life, so that we may grow in wis­dom.”

Brevi­ty means short­ness. Thus, the short­ness of life. The ques­tion relies upon on how do we max­i­mize this life we have?

 

1. Be faith­ful to your sea­son.

Don’t jump in too quick­ly. Each of us has dif­fer­ent time zones, don’t envy other’s time zone.

Imag­ine your life as a book. And an author wrote it. For instance, I am writ­ing a nov­el. Joseph was my main char­ac­ter for this nov­el project. While Joseph while doing some­thing, some­one called him out­side. (that’s his time) but it doesn’t mean I have the same time­zone as Joseph has. I can write and fin­ish the nov­el for hours and moved on to anoth­er nov­el project which has a dif­fer­ent main char­ac­ter.

Hence, I am, as an author was out­side of my character’s time zone. What seems days and years for Joseph was only the present for me. I don’t know if that makes sense to you, but I believe that is how God oper­ates in our lives.

In every sea­son of our lives, for God, it is all hap­pen­ing at the same time because He is out­side our time. Know­ing that God puts us inside the time and He watch­es us, we should be faith­ful in our sea­son.

2. Have goals with dead­lines.

Zig Ziglar once said, “If you aim at noth­ing you will hit it every time.”

A goal with­out a dead­line is mere­ly a wish. It’s hard to hit a dead­line, but it makes us grow even more. For me, even the jour­ney of achiev­ing that goal will be painful and dif­fi­cult, I press on towards that goal because I know if I was able to achieve that, it will bring ful­fill­ment to me and I def­i­nite­ly grow as a per­son.

Wait a minute, why should I have goals and set a dead­line for each of them when you said in the pre­vi­ous item that God has already ordained what will hap­pen. Can I just rely on him and slack off any­time I want?

First, God is not a sort of dic­ta­tor or some­one who con­trols a pup­pet. He cre­at­ed mankind not to con­trol them but for His own plea­sure. For the sake of illus­tra­tion, imag­ine an artist who paint­ed his mas­ter­piece. Any­one can see it, any­one can touch it, He can even show it the world that he is proud of it but he has no con­trol what peo­ple will do with it. At the same time, God cre­at­ed us for His own plea­sure. Though He cre­at­ed us in his own image and like­ness, we are not like Him. He gave us the free will in order that we can love Him gen­uine­ly and vol­un­tar­i­ly. True love is vol­un­tary, so in order for us to be capa­ble of lov­ing God, we also had to be capa­ble of some­thing else, includ­ing rebellion/sin. A lov­ing rela­tion­ship must be a free-rela­tion­ship. Would you like to be in a rela­tion­ship that some­one con­trols how you do every­thing?

So, even though God knew what choic­es we would make, if He actu­al­ly want­ed peo­ple to love him, then He had to give them the chance to do so. Oth­er­wise, our entire exis­tence would have been mere­ly a thought exper­i­ment that didn’t turn out well—but that’s not why God cre­at­ed human­i­ty. He want­ed us to know and love Him.

3. Embrace fail­ures.

Of course, life is not only about suc­cess, achieve­ments, and joy. With­out fail­ure, we will not know what it likes to be suc­cess­ful. In the same way, with­out suf­fer­ing we will not know what it feels to be hap­py.

Life is not as smooth sail­ing as it is. You will meet chal­lenges along the way and you will fail every now and then.

But if you know that an Author has writ­ten already your sto­ry, what a com­fort it brings to see life in a brighter per­spec­tive.

This reminds me of God’s plan for humankind ever since the very begin­ning of this world.

When the earth was only full of waters and there was only dark­ness, God made an expanse to sep­a­rate waters and the heav­ens and cre­at­ed the land in the mid­dle of it. Then he cre­at­ed birds of all kinds and ani­mals of all kinds.

And he cre­at­ed man and woman out of the dust naked and vul­ner­a­ble but they don’t feel it because they were sus­tained and being warmed by the pres­ence of God. And God gave them the com­mand to “fill the earth.”

The first man and woman failed and sin against God because a ser­pent deceived them to dis­obey God. Well, it doesn’t hap­pen very quick­ly. The ser­pent (sym­bol for God’s ene­my) has to twists and made God a liar, self­ish and a dic­ta­tor who doesn’t want His crea­ture to be like Him.

The ene­my knows when to attack the man and woman and that’s when they are out of the pres­ence of God. Remem­ber they are vul­ner­a­ble and only sus­tained by God.

But despite that, God is so gra­cious. The mankind when pun­ished, do all sorts of things to reach God and attempt­ed to be like God but they failed. God brought chaos not because He wants it, but because He wants to restore every­thing in order.

Remem­ber the com­mand “fill the earth”? It won’t hap­pen if God allows all mankind to live in the same loca­tion and speaks the same lan­guage.

The same sto­ry He has for us will con­tin­ue to hap­pen to reminds us that it all starts with Him and every­thing will end with Him.

Don’t Measure Your Failure By What Others Have

 

Last July, I met with a friend and a men­tor, his name is Jesse, a fel­low toast­mas­ter, a speak­er, and a finan­cial plan­ner. We talk a lot about dif­fer­ent things and what’s going on with our lives, what’s my plan, what are my dreams and aspi­ra­tions. He even asked me when I could leave the cor­po­rate life.

Well, If it was not for the mis­sion that God gave to stay in the mar­ket­place for this sea­son and with the present real­i­ty of my life that I have bills to pay, and dream house to build, I wouldn’t stay any longer. My advice is that take it step by step.

 

Wishful Thinking

And then a thought came while lis­ten­ing to him that this per­son has achieved more than what I have achieved. Then in our cir­cles, one of my friends also at a young age became a CEO of a com­pa­ny. Wow! I am so priv­i­leged that God has brought me to learn from this peo­ple. But then, I became inse­cure; I wish I have start­ed ear­ly. I wish I have learned these things at a young age. How I wish, I did not apply for a job when I was a fresh grad­u­ate but rather start a busi­ness on my own. Ugh, wish­ful think­ing.

Can you relate?. How ter­ri­ble the feel­ing was when you are being sur­round­ed with suc­cess­ful peo­ple that you thought about your own fail­ures and what have you done in your life.

 

There is no wasted time for God

Then what he told me blew me away. He said, “Dhenn, it is not because you failed, or you missed the mark at that age, it’s just that at that young age, their sea­son has come. In every­thing, there is a sea­son right? A time to reap and a time to sow. Per­haps the time they were reap­ing, you were sow­ing expe­ri­ences.”

He remind­ed me that there is no wast­ed time for God. He caused all things to hap­pen at the right time. He caused all things to hap­pen to work togeth­er for our good whether it is bad, painful or not.

Then I remem­ber anoth­er friend came and said, “I’m so glad that God is doing great things in your life. I see some of it and He caused you to increase in every way but as I saw your life, I doubt­ed what God is doing in my life. I became full of doubt whether I am walk­ing accord­ing to His will or even ful­fill­ing the call­ing He has for me. I had not the same suc­cess as you are.”

 

You are not me

I looked at him and asked him, “Do you think you will still full of doubts and it would feel you bet­ter if you see me liv­ing a ter­ri­ble life and had been doing much worse in the past few years?” “Of course not.” He respond­ed.

I said, “Sor­ry but I didn’t mean to offend you but your think­ing is flawed. You said the oth­er was true but the sec­ond is not. If the oth­er is true, what I said must be true, because you are com­par­ing your­self to me.”

What hap­pens in my life and what God will do with it has noth­ing to do with what God is doing in your life. You are not me, and I am not you.” I added.

 

Focus on what God is doing in your life

I remem­ber a sto­ry of an employ­ee who was con­stant­ly com­plain­ing that man­age­ment is cor­rupt not lis­ten­ing to its employ­ees and some of his col­leagues are lazy and unpro­duc­tive. And then he set a meet­ing with his man­ag­er about it.

All the way down, the man­ag­er lis­tened to his com­plaints. Then the man­ag­er asked a favor from him. “Before you leave, can you give me two full glass of water, please?. Make sure there’s no spill will get into the floor not even a lit­tle.”

The employ­ee came back and gave the glass­es to the man­ag­er. Then the man­ag­er asked him, “While you were walk­ing with both of your hands have full water of glass, do you see any employ­ees who are unpro­duc­tive? Do you see any of them gos­sip­ing around? Do you see the man­age­ment scold­ing oth­er employ­ees?” “No there’s none.” The employ­ee respond­ed.

You will find that God rarely uses peo­ple whose pri­ma­ry con­cern is what oth­ers are doing. When God told Noah to build an ark, Noah did what God has told of Him, he didn’t com­plain that peo­ple are not believ­ing him.

Judg­ing oth­ers is a major waste of time. It halts progress. I’ve met and seen peo­ple doing that. They think they are doing bet­ter than the aver­age per­son in which it makes them an aver­age per­son.

It doesn’t mean that they don’t have what you have, doesn’t mean they are not suc­cess­ful. Your faults will nev­er van­ish by call­ing atten­tion to the fault of oth­ers. In the same way, it doesn’t mean you don’t have what they have, doesn’t mean they are more suc­cess­ful than you are.

Don’t let oth­ers define your suc­cess. Don’t let oth­er peo­ple tell you what you want. No one can build him­self upon the faith or expe­ri­ence of anoth­er per­son.

Don’t mea­sure your Fail­ure as a per­son by what oth­ers have, and your suc­cess by what oth­ers haven’t. Keep that in mind.

8 Lessons From 100 Tula Para Kay Stella

Last Sun­day, we watched “100 Tula Para Kay Stel­la”. Yes third-wheel ulit ako though I can watch movies alone. I don’t watch roman­tic movies cause I watch movies unless it will pick my inter­est to do so. But this time, I am deter­mined to watch a local indie movie. I love indies! It depicts the real­i­ty of life. I love the plot, I love the sto­ry of a young man who fell in love with a young woman and wrote poems for her.

I can relate some­how as a cer­ti­fied intro­vert and a tor­pe before, I remem­ber when I was in high school, I wrote a lot of let­ters for my crush in a piece of a note­book. And then I wrote every­thing about her on it. From poems to love let­ters. I know you want to know what hap­pened and to cut the long sto­ry short, I failed to give the note­book to her because I found out she has a boyfriend already. Haha­ha. The note­book? I burned that already.

So while watch­ing the movie, I wrote as much as pos­si­ble lessons that I learned from it. I believe not only in a rela­tion­ship, we can apply these in our dai­ly lives.

Dis­claimer: Images are not mine. If you own any of these don’t hes­i­tate to email me and will give the right­ful own­er­ship to you.

 

1. Tell it upfront.

For men, when you like some­one, first pray about it then tell her when you’re ready to com­mit not when you’re lone­ly.

I like how Fidel wrote poems for her. He invest­ed his emo­tions to Stel­la by fan­ta­siz­ing about her and wrote it in a poem. But he failed to tell her when in fact they have been togeth­er for so many times. He got the chance to tell her when Stel­la has mar­ried to oth­er man and preg­nant already, how dev­as­tat­ing. If he could have told her ear­ly, it might be a hap­py end­ing.

Kaya ikaw brad, pag ready ka na sabi­hin mo na! Women will tell you if they don’t like you by reject­ing you. If they don’t like you, assess your­self. Would you still like her despite the rejec­tion? Then try again after some time, if not, stay away and move on. If you’re wor­ried if you will still be friends after that? Most like­ly it depends on your deci­sion and her deci­sion. But accord­ing to what I have expe­ri­enced, it’s pos­si­ble but close­ness to each oth­er will take time to rebuild.

Just like in our dai­ly lives, we Fil­ipinos are man pleasers by nature. We fear rejec­tion, we don’t like the feel­ing of hurt­ing some­one, we want to be at peace with every­one. But it’s not good most of the time when our friend is doing some­thing wrong. Show care to them by telling them what it is.

In our careers, most man­agers today encour­age open doors. Tell all your con­cerns and com­plaints. Share your career aspi­ra­tions so they know how can they help you.

In every­thing, try to tell it up front. It is bet­ter to be clear so there will be no room for mis­un­der­stand­ing.

 

2. Have a deep­er pur­pose in all that you will do.

Pur­su­ing what you love while you are study­ing is not bad if you know how to man­age your pri­or­i­ties.

I like how Fidel focused on his stud­ies. He want­ed to fin­ish col­lege. He did not allow any oth­er cir­cum­stances to stop him from fin­ish­ing it.  He knows its pur­pose.

Unlike Stel­la who was a stub­born lady. All she wants is her dreams. To be famous, to per­form in front of a large crowd, being applaud­ed by many peo­ple. But for what? I observed that she lacks a deep­er sense of her pur­pose.

It is impor­tant to have a pur­pose in your life. Why do you do what you do? It is bet­ter to know your “why” first. What I mean, the deep­er pur­pose for your exis­tence. A pur­pose that will give you a mis­sion and vision big­ger than your­self.

 

 

3.  You need friends in your dark­est nights.

You need friends whom you will turn to when every­thing goes wrong. I expe­ri­enced the time when I was young that I don’t have friends to turn to. I felt alone, I felt no one loves me.

But thank God, He nev­er let me be alone. Choose the peo­ple whom you want to be asso­ci­at­ed with. They will make or break you. Bad com­pa­ny cor­rupts good char­ac­ter. You become the aver­age of the five peo­ple you spend time with.

 

4. A lost oppor­tu­ni­ty is a lost oppor­tu­ni­ty.

Sayang!” When we lost an oppor­tu­ni­ty we often exclaimed this. But a lost is a lost. But instead of regret­ting it, grab it next time.

 

5. Don’t be a social climber who uses peo­ple to their own advan­tage to achieve your dreams.

Stel­la uses peo­ple to her own advan­tage. She entered a rela­tion­ship with some men as a step towards ful­fill­ment of her dreams.

Don’t be a social climber. Don’t be user-friend­ly. If you want to achieve your dreams, have gen­uine rela­tion­ships with peo­ple who have the same inter­est and dreams as yours, who will help you and you will help as well. Be self-less serve them.

 

6. Don’t let your dreams become your pur­pose for your exis­tence.

Stella’s pur­pose for her exis­tence is her dreams of becom­ing a famous singer. How sad to know that she wasn’t able to achieve her dreams.

It’s okay to have dreams but don’t make it your world. Focus­ing too much on it will lead you to a frus­trat­ed life. Enjoy life, enjoy the jour­ney.

 

7. Some­times you don’t have to be des­per­ate for an oppor­tu­ni­ty. Be ready. As oppor­tu­ni­ty comes not to those who seek it but those who are ready for it.

Fidel doesn’t have plans to become a singer, but one of his class­mates dis­cov­ered that he has a tal­ent for singing. Then he start­ed to have gigs with his band.

Don’t be des­per­ate. If it’s meant for you, it’s for you.

 

8. Don’t make some­one becomes your world.

Fidel revolves his life around Stel­la. He made her his world. I remem­ber what he said to Stel­la: “Corny man sabi­hin, pero ikaw ang mun­do ko.”

To be hon­est, in the past, I made some­one to be my world. Dev­as­tat­ing expe­ri­ence. From there on, I learned not to make some­one my world. Because in the end, a per­son can love you or will be there as long as they can but can­not be with you for­ev­er.

That’s where I learn to make Jesus my world. Every­thing I do revolves around him. He is the rea­son for my exis­tence. He was there before I was born. He knows a lot about myself more than I know myself. He loves me more than any oth­er per­son in this world by giv­ing up His life for me.

To end this blog, I want to leave you one of the best lines from the movie:

This is true in some ways. Ang nakakat­u­luyan natin is yung taong gus­to ni Lord para sa atin.

Have you watched the movie already? Share in the com­ments what you have learned as well! If you haven’t watched, this is the last day, you must watch it!

Till next time.

How Having a Dream Board Can Help You

Two years ago, I’ve cre­at­ed my own dream board or also known as “vision board”. If the term is not yet famil­iar with you, let me define it first for you. A vision board is a col­lage of images, words, or any­thing that helps you visu­al­ize who you want to be and what kind of life you want to live.

Because I’m kind of a per­son who kin­da likes every­thing must have a strat­e­gy and must exe­cute it regard­less of cir­cum­stances, I don’t know what kind of life I will have with­out hav­ing goals for myself. If you are a vision­ary and ambi­tious per­son like me, hav­ing a vision board will help you a lot espe­cial­ly when you want clar­i­ty over your life.

Just to share with you, here is my vision board:

It’s been 7 years when I was dream­ing and pray­ing to have a car of my own, I’ve already have that. Now I keep dream­ing and pray­ing to have my own home, to be able to trav­el the places a few peo­ple knew through mis­sion trips, to be a moti­va­tion­al speak­er, a fam­i­ly of my own with hav­ing two chil­dren, a com­pa­ny or non-prof­it orga­ni­za­tion of my own and so on. And I was sure of that, I have noth­ing to add to it.

So, how hav­ing your own vision board can help you?

  1. It brings clar­i­ty to your dreams. 
  2. It will ener­gize you.
  3. It allows you to visu­al­ize and feel your future self.
  4. It will serve as a great reminder for you on a dai­ly basis that you need to hus­tle.
  5. It will serve as an inspi­ra­tion to you to face chal­lenges and go for an extra mile.

If you don’t have yet, cre­ate your own! I’m will­ing to help you and teach what I know. But it’s easy, promise!

As my favorite author once said, “You are nev­er too old to set anoth­er goal or to dream a new dream.” — C.S. Lewis

The ABC’s of How to Adult

In my recent arti­cle on “How to Sur­vive Every Month Finan­cial­ly” I was shocked that my arti­cle has gone viral. I checked the stats, and it gar­nered a total of 200,000+ views plus my email list grew by almost 300%. Wow, just wow.

First, if you’re one of the peo­ple who read, liked and shared my arti­cle, I would like to thank you. May God bless you more! It would not go viral with­out you.

Here are some com­ments I’ve received:

Thank you for those who left their mes­sage. You are tru­ly an inspi­ra­tion to me.

I’ve seen also some of the com­ments that well a valid com­ment why man­ga is being com­pared to books. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not com­par­ing them, it’s just that books encour­aged me to get out of my com­fort zone, it taught me to stop wish­ing and start work­ing on my dreams, and it taught me to pre­pare for life and how to be an adult.

With regards to invest­ing, I’m not an expert to answer all of your ques­tions as I’m only bas­ing them on my expe­ri­ences and wis­dom received from my friends and men­tors who are “finan­cial­ly-savvy”, but I would be glad to write some of the things I know in the next com­ing weeks.

I’ve said to my pre­vi­ous arti­cle that at the age of 20, it came to my sens­es that I need to grow up. How to adult sabi nga nila.

Now how I began to be an adult? I start­ed read­ing books and learn from other’s expe­ri­ences. That’s the first thing you should do; edu­cate your­self.

And that’s num­ber one lack­ing in our coun­try today. Peo­ple would nor­mal­ly go to what is easy that’s why in the end they left frus­trat­ed. With­out going on to the process of becom­ing the per­son you want­ed to be, you’ll be frus­trat­ed, dis­ap­point­ed and prob­a­bly you might give up too soon.

Now, I want to share with you the ABC’s of adult­ing or how it is to live like an adult. I got some of this from Seth Godin. Brace your­selves as some might get you feel uncom­fort­able.

A. Anx­i­ety is expe­ri­enc­ing fail­ure in advance. Would you like to fail? Tell your­self about the worst pos­si­ble out­come you will ever face. It doesn’t make you bet­ter.

B. Bal­ance, there’s no such thing as bal­anced-life or work-life bal­ance. Lose it and make your pri­or­i­ties right instead.

C. Com­mit­ment is the only thing that gets you through the chasm. Kung gus­to mong mag-ipon at mag-invest at mag­tagum­pay sa buhay, mag­ing com­mit­ted ka. Panindi­gan mo yan!

D. Dance with fear. Shake it off!

E. Effort. You need to make an effort.

F. Feed­back. Instead of using it to please every­one, use it to fur­ther push you to over­come what you fear and embrace what you’re capa­ble of.

G. Give cheer­ful­ly. The pur­pose why God is bless­ing us with mate­r­i­al wealth is to give it to oth­ers. Be a bless­ing.

H. Heroes are peo­ple who take risks for the right rea­sons. Don’t be a hip­ster who hasn’t risked a thing so they nev­er fail.

I. Always Ini­ti­ate. Pick your­self. Take ini­tia­tive. No one is going to pick you and say “hey I choose you!”. Hin­di ka Poke­mon.

J. Joy. Be joy­ful from being sat­is­fied. Dis­con­tent­ment will bring you trou­ble.

K. Kill. Kill your bad habits by replac­ing it with good habits.

L. Love. Love like Jesus. We can’t, but when you have a rela­tion­ship with Jesus, makakaya mo.

M. More is bad. It leads you to the world of scarci­ty. Do you know why some peo­ple nev­er sat­is­fied? Because they want more!

N. Some­times peo­ple answered you with “No” because it feels safe. But say yes to pos­si­bil­i­ty and yes to risk. Noth­ing is ever worth it with­out tak­ing the risk.

O. One more chance. It’s okay to fail, it’s okay to be reject­ed. Be bet­ter then try it again, one.more.chance (read it slow­ly para ma-feel mo).

P. We all need pain. We will not grow if we will not expe­ri­ence pain. You will not expe­ri­ence break­through if there are no “break me” moments.

Q. Qual­i­ty mat­ters. Want to improve the qual­i­ty of your life? Read qual­i­ty books! Wag yung pock­et book na iis­tir-up ka lang tapos tata­nun­gin mo sar­ili mo bak­it sin­gle ka pa rin hang­gang ngay­on.

R. Respect your­self. Know your worth. Stop try­ing to fit in. Be dif­fer­ent.

S. Share like giv­ing, share what you have.

T. Teach what you know, prac­tice what you teach. The most effec­tive way to remem­ber a les­son is by apply­ing it and teach it to oth­ers.

U. Unlearn. There are things you need to un-learn. Be like an emp­ty cup. Be ready to learn.

V. Vul­ner­a­ble. Being vul­ner­a­ble is the only way we can gain trust­wor­thy friends and men­tors. How can I teach you if you’re not open­ing your­self? How can we be friends if you’re clos­ing your­self to me? Open up your­self, but don’t be too soon.

W. Work like you nev­er work before. If some­one asked you to help him, go for an extra mile.

X. Xero­copy anoth­er term for a pho­to­copy. Don’t be a copy­cat!

Y. Youth. Don’t waste your youth. Make it mean­ing­ful and pur­pose­ful. Learn to num­ber your days.

Z. Zip your lip. Learn to lis­ten with your heart.

So far that’s it. I hope it will help you in some way in your quest to be adult. Haha. Till next time.

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