As the year ends, it has been my routine to reflect on the things I did for the current year.But while I was thinking, I suddenly remember the days when I was still studying and realize how fast it has been then, and yet — I’m still single.

It’s been years since then when was the last time I faced the cru­el­ty and the agony of rejec­tion that froze me for many years yet that didn’t work the way I desire it.

And after I have moved on from the pain it caused, my desire for “being” in a rela­tion­ship some­day, ceased.

Maybe that’s how God works in heal­ing a bro­ken heart until you will nev­er feel it until we won’t desire it any­more. I hope that’s the way it is, but if not, I’m afraid that I lost inter­est on it.

A few friends ask­ing me ques­tions like: “Dhenn when will you get mar­ried?”, “When will you date some­one again?”, “When will you find some­one again?”, “Dhenn you should get mar­ried by now!”

I don’t know, before when they teased me like that, I pause for a moment to think, then I was ask­ing God for it. But it’s dif­fer­ent today because I don’t pray for it by now.

I don’t pray for it, not because I want to be sin­gle for­ev­er (who wants that?), but because there was a change in my heart.

My love for Jesus has increased more and more each day as I seek Him always. I have nev­er been this con­tent before in my sea­son.

While each sea­son in our lives offered dif­fer­ent ben­e­fits there are so many things that a sin­gle can do, than some­one who is in a rela­tion­ship. Here’s why:

1. Sin­gle­ness is a sea­son where you can hone your craft.

Many youths today fell in love to be in love and so it sad­dened me when most of them buried their dreams for the sake of infat­u­a­tion.

If you are sin­gle con­sid­er it as a gift. Only in your sin­gle­ness you can mas­ter your craft and become an expert on it.

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Edu­cate your­self with the right infor­ma­tion and attend sem­i­nars and events that’ll help you to nur­ture and dis­cov­er it.

Because when you get mar­ried, your pri­or­i­ty will change and time will bare­ly let you pur­sue growth in your life­time.

2. Sin­gle­ness is a sea­son where you pre­pare your­self for your future wife or hus­band.

Only in your sin­gle­ness, you can learn:

  • How to cook.
  • Wash­ing the laun­dry.
  • Tak­ing care of some­one else.
  • Sav­ing mon­ey for the future.

Sin­gle­ness will lead you to become the right per­son for your future part­ner. If you love your future part­ner, learn­ing these skills is a must.

3. Sin­gle­ness is a sea­son where you are free to explore every­thing.

When you’re in a rela­tion­ship, you can’t afford to explore every­thing. You bare­ly learn a new skill as your pri­or­i­ties will change and it will be for your part­ner.

So do it and explore what you haven’t explored yet while you are sin­gle.

4. Sin­gle­ness is a sea­son where you can pur­sue your dreams and aspi­ra­tions.

Being sin­gle allows you to reach your poten­tial. It allows you to embrace fail­ure and be suc­cess­ful in time.

Mark Zucker­berg found­ed Face­book when he was sin­gle. Though he was in a rela­tion­ship but not mar­ried.

Steve Jobs found­ed Apple when he was sin­gle.

Bill Gates found­ed Microsoft when he was sin­gle.

Why? Because you have plen­ty of time to hus­tle. What most sin­gle peo­ple missed a lot today is to let them­selves work for one’s dream.

Employ­ment is great, it pro­vides you the income to sup­port your fam­i­ly but los­ing your dream for it is a dif­fer­ent sto­ry.

One more thing some sin­gle peo­ple missed today is the time they spent hang­ing out till the roost­er crowed.

There was a time I allowed myself to hang out with my friends for no pur­pose. I just love the fel­low­ship, it’s great to build bond and trust, but I real­ize, spend­ing an hour or two won’t hurt but more than that would.

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Two weeks ago we just had a fruit­ful thanks­giv­ing par­ty for all the peo­ple who joined the mis­sion trips this year.

After the meet­ing, one friend had made a great effort to call every one of us to meet in Star­bucks. Upon arrival in the cof­fee shop, every­one was on their phones. Some were dis­cussing a top­ic on their own which oth­ers could not relate.

I said to myself, this was anoth­er waste of time. Meet­ing for no pur­pose. Why did most sin­gle peo­ple love to hang out with­out a pur­pose? They could have spent it with their fam­i­lies or build­ing some­thing that mat­ters.

I was glad when a friend point­ed it out. He asked every­one: “Guys what is the pur­pose of this meet­ing? Why do you call us?”

One friend respond­ed: “Just to see each oth­er.” For me the answer was vague. We have seen each oth­er already in the meet­ing. But know­ing this per­son, he just loves to hang out.

My friend set a time when we can leave. He was a bit frus­trat­ed because he was expect­ing some­thing. Every­one was tired, some are stu­dents and they need to wake up ear­ly for school.

While you are sin­gle, don’t waste your time on the things that don’t add val­ue to you. Hang­ing out is great, do it, but not so often that you even messed up someone’s sched­ule for it. If you need to de-stress your­self, have some time alone or grab a friend who you can talk to. Not every­one.

But that night ends pur­pose­ful­ly. My friend start­ed a con­ver­sa­tion while he was dri­ving and it became fruit­ful because we had the chance to exchange our point of views on a cer­tain top­ic.

Build on what mat­ters. Check if some­one is wast­ing your time and put them in the least pri­or­i­ties. If you are the one who loves hang­ing out with peo­ple for no pur­pose, please don’t waste someone’s ener­gy and time. That atti­tude is not good

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And one more thing…

5. Sin­gle­ness allows you to build up your sav­ings.

When you become mar­ried, you’ll be giv­ing your ATM Card to your part­ner or who­ev­er has the skill and abil­i­ty to bud­get the mon­ey.

You are not on your own, you have to think first of your fam­i­ly. Every­thing you earn or you own is also a prop­er­ty of your wife or hus­band.

Many mar­riages have been destroyed because of finan­cial issues. Before you get mar­ried, make sure you are ready to give up every­thing.

Sin­gle­ness allows you to enjoy mon­ey on your own. Go ahead, build mem­o­ries. But don’t for­get to build your sav­ings as well.

And these things that I’ve learned from being a sin­gle.

Sin­gle­ness is not a sick­ness. It’s for a sea­son. Sin­gle­ness sea­son starts at the age of 20 until you get mar­ried. Imag­ine only a few years if you wish to get mar­ried by twen­ty-five.

How about you? What are the things you are doing today for your future? Com­ment it below.




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I blog about my dis­cov­er­ies and learn­ings with per­son­al devel­op­ment, blog­ging, writ­ing, pub­lic speak­ing, and pub­lish­ing. I am a Jesus fol­low­er. Each month, I send out a newslet­ter with free tips on those top­ics.

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